HALP! The Cat is Humping Me!

Humping Ahead - Cat is Humping

This is slightly embarrassing. My cat is humping me. 

That’s right, I’m being stalked in my own home. It seems every time I sit down, there he is. Waiting. It always starts off innocently, I get just get comfortable and the cute little kitty comes along with his cute little face and his cute little purrs. I give him a little scratch behind the ears, he starts with the cute little kneading, he settles in and then next minute my cat is humping me. Not the sweet love-making kind of humping either, he likes it rough. Teeth and claws and manic thrusting. It hurts me and I feel a bit violated, but we’re not here to talk about my problems.

Sparrow Sperm Toy - My Cat is Humping Me

Sparrow is pretty nice for a cat. He’s never bitten, scratched or so much as swiped at anyone. He doesn’t attack people and apart from the usual kitteny bouncing around he’s pretty chill, so this violence is out of character. He was also neutered pretty young, which you’d think would make a difference. Apparently not.

 

No Kitty Shaming!

This may be an uncomfortable subject and I’m not sure if I need to change the rating on this post, but let’s be honest. Masturbation feels good. It’s perfectly normal and it really doesn’t hurt anybody (unless it does, in which case you might want to change your approach). Yes, even neutered people…I mean cats…get pleasure from a bit of lighthearted fapping, and why not? Although humping in cats is not usually a sexual behaviour, some cats are just randy critters. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, just let him go – unless it becomes obsessive there’s probably nothing wrong with it and you might just get a giggle. Check this out:

 

 

So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, there are several other reasons why your neutered cat still humps:

  • Recently neutered cats may still have sex hormones in their system. Typically it takes about 6-12 weeks for these hormones to dissipate.
  • Cats neutered when older may have this ingrained behaviour from when they were intact. Hormone related things like humping and spraying are harder for your cat to give up once they’ve become a habit.
  • Stressful situations like the addition of a new family member or a change in the home may cause your cat to hump as a display of dominance.
  • Not getting enough play time could drive your cat to hump you as a way of using up all that energy.
  • Insecure or attention seeking kitties may resort to humping you to get you to fuss over them.

 

Humping Ahead - My Cat is Humping!Warning Signs

It’s pretty easy to spot when a frisky kitty wants to get jiggy with your limbs:

  • Watch his eyes – if his pupils begin to dilate, it’s likely he wants to shag you.
  • Kneading is normal – but if he starts to get overly excited and knead aggressively, watch out.
  • Being overly affectionate – this is kitty’s idea of flirting with you. Don’t fall for his tricks.

 

No Means NO!

Even though it’s normal and I don’t want to cramp his style, Sparrow’s humping can be pretty annoying…and did I mention he uses his teeth? Ouch. So far he hasn’t hit on any of my friends, but I’d like to put an end to this behaviour before it gets out of hand. Here’s how:

  • Never never ever punish or hit a humping cat (or any other cat, for that matter!). They just don’t learn from this kind of discipline.
  • More play time will give kitty another outlet for his…energy. Let him release it on his favourite toy instead of your leg.
  • Identify and eliminate any stress – humping can sometimes be brought on by anxiety or distress. Rescue Remedy or something similar can be used to help keep your cat cool and calm.
  • Give your him more attention – grooming, petting and generally hanging out are great ways to spend quality time with your cat and show him the love he’s craving.
  • Positive reinforcement – when the love cat starts getting romantic with you, remove him from the situation. Gently pick him up, give him a hug, put him on the floor and tell him NO.
  • Redirect his affections – give your kitty a blanket or a special toy and make that his friend with benefits. When he starts getting humpy with you, set him down and bring out his girlfriend (or boyfriend – we don’t judge here!).Friends With Benefits - Cat is Humping

 

It’s important to be patient as you try these suggestions. With time, plenty of attention and an enriched environment your kitty will return to the sweet, lovable ball of fluff on your lap instead of a maniacal beast trying to ravage you any chance he gets. If repetition does not adjust your cat’s behaviour, a trip to the vet is in order to rule out any medical issues. As an absolute last resort, your vet may be able to prescribe an anti-depressant or something similar but please don’t go down this path unless you’ve tried everything else first.

 

There’s a support group for victims of kitty abuse in the comments below. It’s a safe space for you to share your stories, without fear of judgement…

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22 Comments

  1. OK. I’ll go first. My 15 year old female cat, who was spayed when she was about 9 months, is a humper. A few times a week, regularly. She especially likes “hairy” arms and has been known to hump male friends of ours *at first sight*. She has never displayed this behavior with a blanket or a toy, or heavens, another cat.

    Our friend, who’s a vet, said this just plain doesn’t happen with female cats. She then said “maybe your cat isn’t entirely female”. We now are left with the working assumption that Blanche is a hermaphrodite.

    1. Oh wow. I did read somewhere that female cats sometimes will pin other cats down like they’re trying to hump them, as a show of dominance. It’s how they correct their kitten’s behaviour when they’re acting up…maybe Blanche thinks hairy arms are bad kittens? Maybe she’s decided to go all transgender in her advanced age. This is really odd, thanks for sharing!

      1. Hahah, that’s very funny! I will have to tell my husband your theory about the hairy arms. But she’s been doing this humping her whole life, consistently, since she was young…so my thought is that she might actually be a hermaphrodite. We didn’t get her spayed until she had already gone into heat once (we were poor and in college, but still…if I had a doover I would have done it earlier!)

        1. I’m going to do some research in to this cat hermaphrodite business, I wonder if it’s a thing or if your cat is on her own. Maybe there’s a support group. Maybe your husband should think about shaving his arms…

  2. Hahahaha!
    That definitely brought out some giggles! The pictures in my head were like a cartoon!

    But seriously, I feel for you. My cat loves the wifey and clings to her like you wouldn’t believe. Same story, just as she sits down to read a book, here he comes and has to sit in her lap. Now the humpty dumpty thing I have never seen and in all my years with cats, I have never had the pleasure (wrong term?) of seeing anything like that.

    As for me, well the little guy just loves the head rubs! Only 2 times, that’s it, then he will start biting me, lol. He will come to me typically once or twice a day requesting his two time head rub but it always finishes the same way with me yanking my hand away before he sinks his teeth into it.

    Very nice post and a great source of info for anyone living the life of a victim due to cat abuse!

    Thank you!
    🙂

    1. Thank you! Certainly paints the picture, doesn’t it? I mean, I know the little guy loves me, but this is ridiculous. Your cat sounds much more gentlemanly, even down to keeping you on side while he tries to steal your wife. Not that I’m saying that’s what’s happening, but…they are strange creatures, I’d keep an eye on him if I were you…

  3. This post made me laugh. In all the years I have owned cats, I have never heard of or seen this behavior. Obviously it happens and I am really happy not to me. Great post. I am a crazy cat lady too…. 🙂

    1. It’s crazy, isn’t it? I’ve never before been harassed by a cat like this either, it’s all very…strange. Then again, I have the king of all strange cats living in my house, so I’m not entirely surprised. Thanks MarieAnne!

  4. Cat fapping. LOL. We have a large stuffed animal who has been donated to the cause and is now community cat property. It’s disturbing and funny and kind of gross.

    The dogs have each other. (Which makes it weird when I refer to them as brothers.)

    Animals are as weird as people.

    Thanks for the hilarious and informative article. It was a pleasure to read.

    1. REALLY disturbing, isn’t it? I mean it’s flattering and all, but…yeah. How large is this stuffed animal? I’m picturing a tiny little cat humping a huge human sized thing, it makes for a hilarious picture in my head. Animals are stranger than people sometimes, I reckon. Thanks for reading!

  5. Funny images here, Shirley! I really like (as always) how you explain an acceptable approach versus and unacceptable approach in the care of our feline friends. It helps to understand what they understand, what they don’t and why they behave in certain ways. Great info, as always! Also the comments on this post are just as hilarious as the post x

    1. Manika-Nia, nice to hear from you again! Yeah, this post turned out to be funnier than I planned and I had nothing to do with that. So many hilarious comments. Thanks for saying hi again 🙂

  6. Ok. This is the first time I heard cat’s humping. LOL. I thought only dogs do this.
    Well, I guess it is the way nature works.

    I agree not to hit a humping cat (or dog). They just need to release the energy. Your solutions are what I did to my late dog. Exercise and more exercise (read: play and more play).

    But.. redirect his affection to a blanket? Does this really solve the problem?

    1. Hey Arief, it’s funny, isn’t it? Sparrow seems to really…like his stuffed Sylvester toy. They kinda look similar, so I guess it’s true love. Strange, but true.

  7. God, help me, but I googled this topic looking for help! I must say this has all been very entertaining to read though. I really, truly have a 3 year old Russian Blue by the name of Tiggr that humps me!! He doesn’t do it to anybody else. He actually isn’t affectionate at all with anyone but me.He has even been known to dive off the bed and not allow my husband entry into the bedroom. He’s 20 lbs. HELP!

  8. My boy loves to do all that humpy stuff. Now thing is, He isnt a lap cat and isnt all that affectionate but does thoroughly enjoy his pats. Its only when night falls and things start calming down that his behaviour changes. Often sitting at my laptop studying or playing games he will sit staring at me until he gets what he wants… pats. Now, when it comes to me being in bed, oh boy thats a different story. First thing he does is hump me. In the morning when i first wake up, he humps me. Guessing this is a potential sign of not having enough affection?

    1. Could be, maybe you smell particularly sexy when you’re in bed? This may not be the forum for that conversation though…

  9. We just had a stray cat show up at our house, and after a week of trying to find his home, we adopted him. This morning I discovered why he might have been disowned. He is the most affectionate toward me that I have ever had a cat be… But today he got TOO affectionate. All my life of owning cats, and this was the first to try to get jiggy with me. Lol. Thanks for the info. Larry is so special, but the humping thing was almost a deal breaker for a minute there.

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